The Conservative Pledge

Rightwingers are really big on making pledges and so I found this "Conservative Pledge" to be most interesting. Following is the pledge with my comments and interpretations in bold...

I will support the People’s right to self-defense.
And the right to carry loaded guns anyplace we feel like... and not just little small-caliber pea-shooters either. We mean big-honking elephant guns and bazookas with automatic firing and unlimited clip capacity.

I will be devoted to the principle of blind justice.
And “blind justice” means being completely oblivious to any ounce of empathy or human compassion. It means applying the harshest penalties and sentences regardless of the attenuating circumstances. It means closing your eyes to the consequences of so-called “justice”.

I recognize the media for its bias, bullying and deception.
This is pure projection coming from the folks who get all their news from the radically-biased, bullying and deceptive Fox News and the rightwing radio talk shows. What could be more bullying than people like Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck screaming at and shouting down people on their shows who dare to disagree with them?

I will emphasize self-reliance and being able to keep the fruits of one’s labor.
Pure selfishness and greed dressed up to sound not quite so bad.

I will promote teaching self-help rather than dependence on government and others.
Self-help and self-reliance are the buzz words of the rightwing movement that wants to dismantle the social safety net underlying the foundation of the American economy. It is all part of the Ayn Rand philosophy of selfishness and greed that has taken control of today’s Republican Party.

I will place conservative values and principles above personal desires, weaknesses, fears and regrets.
Naturally. Wouldn’t want any of those namby-pampy feelings or empathies to get in the way of efforts to slash government services for the poor, the sick and the destitute.

I will emphasize charity, with its unexpected benefits, rather than support compulsory tax-and-spend programs.
Charity is another way of saying “Let somebody else take care of those poor saps.”

I will have a never-ending quest for the truth, despite obstacles based on emotion and personal experience and will spread such truths for the benefit of all.
Once again “emotion” is viewed as something that is bad and which should be avoided because it gets in the way of the quest for “truths” and even “personal experience” is bad because you just can’t believe your own eyes when they show you Obama’s birth certificate or pictures of the Apollo astronauts on the moon. LIES!!!! ALL LIES!!!!!

I will give those in authority due respect, however, not to the extent of taking orders or assertions that are contrary to conservative values or moral logic.
In other words, I will only respect authorities who agree with me based on my interpretation of “conservative values” and “moral logic”

I will emphasize humility and open-mindedness instead of the arrogant certainty about one’s own views.
Phhhhhhttthhhhhh!!! Oh yeah, sure. Let’s just throw that one out there for grins. (wink,wink)

I will not simply complain, but rather will take practical action toward improving my situation.
Like sending money to rightwing groups promising to take action for me!

I will use self-control as opposed to a self-indulgent search for instant gratification of desires.
Oops. I think Gov. Mark Sanford, Sen. John Ensign, Sen. David Vitter, Rep. Chip Pickering, and many others overlooked this part of the pledge.

I will downplay the significance of wealth, disparities in wealth and materialism in general.
Because it is easier to hold these selfish beliefs if you ignore the big pink elephant in the room.

I will recognize and utilize the benefits of competition and hard work in my daily life.
Because all those undeserving poor people just don’t work as hard as I do and even if they do they just lost out in the “competition” so tough luck.

I understand that a rising tide lifts all boats, e.g. tax cuts benefit all.
Surely whatever benefits me personally will benefit everyone else. Right?

I will recognize the power and liquidity of the free market.
All bow and prostrate themselves before the mighty and all-powerful free market!

I will emphasize self-restraint against hurtful activities.
And hope that other people will use “self-restraint” too when we can no longer afford our military and police forces.

I will reject the deification of government officials.
You know!! The Obamessiah! HaHa!! We called him that to taunt liberals and now we can use it as an excuse to vilify him even more!

I will support those who prove frugal and efficient.
Or those who cut my taxes and slash programs for the poor.